Self-Image Part3

People with negative self-image some of the times unfairly personalize the actions around them. They may think that everything someone says or does in some way is a reflection of them. For example: If during a group conversation one individual walks away to go to the bathroom, the person with a negative self-image may think "they left because I was acting stupid again." There is also the feeling that "everyone hates me," or only hangs around because they feel sorry for them, or are just being polite. Compliments are seen as polite gestures, but not truly compliments, and are often met with an invalidating remark about themselves. For example: someone compliments on a negative person’s achievement and they reply, "no really, I'm so stupid. You should have seen how badly I messed up during my last activity..."

Self-blame can be another aspect, a people with a negative self-image may blame themself for everything bad that has ever happened to them, believing that in some way they deserved it; for example, "my parents hated me because I was such an irresponsible child." On the contrary, they may also blame others for everything and take no responsibility for their own lives. For example: "if you'd been there for me, I wouldn't have been this bad."

Negativity prevents you from being optimistic about any aspect of a situation or your life. Everything seems negative in one way or another, or you only pick the negative to focus on. In comparison to others, someone else who achieves something is considered great, but the same achievement for yourself would be met with negativity and how it could have been done better. Though the world is not seen as perfect and others are not expected to act as such, the person with a negative self-image may have high expectations of perfection for themselves.

Ultimately, one of the biggest perception distortions of the negative person is that "life will be better and I will be happy when I lose the weight, decolorize my body or buy the new car." There is a false sense of control that is achieved during self-starvation, a feeling of comfort when overdoing, or a temporary release of emotions and guilt during exclusion... In reality none of the above has been achieved except within the victim's perception. There is no light at the end of the tunnel of a person with a negative self-image, even though those who suffer may think there is. In reality, the only true light comes from recovery, from adopting a POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE.

It stands out clearly that with a negative self-image, underperformance characterizes your whole being. The only remedy is to realign your processes, and develop a POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE.

For the HOW? That is why Living Lectures is at your service.

- End -

Self-Image Part2

Self-image is who you think you are; it is your self-concept. The self-image is the collection of traits which we recognize in the ego and our archetypal fields; for example, you might recognize yourself as a patient, bold, handsome, beautiful, funny, talented, successful, etc. human being.

A well-constructed self-image is inclusive; it allows us to be and do whatever is necessary. In contrast, if our self-image is restricted, we are restricted; for example, if the self-image says that we are timid, we will be less-able to call on our capacity for courage when a circumstance requires courage. But if our self-image is inclusive, we acknowledge that we tend to be timid, but that we contain all potentials and all "opposites," including courage. Instead of limiting ourselves to one side of a dichotomy (e.g., timidity or courage, extraversion or introversion), we can have a self-image which permits both sides of dichotomies; for example, we can say that we are flexible, creative, adaptive, spontaneous, and intuitive -- thus allowing ourselves to go toward either duality in any situation.

If Doris as we read in the story, had seen herself as a black-is-beauty and intelligent young lady admired by many, she would not starve herself of important necessities in order to save money to decolorize her body and by so doing, ending up uglier than she ever dreamed of. This tells you to what extent those who harbor a negative self-image can go.

Can you imagine that all our laughter each time that Doris walked into the classroom was coincidental; we never (maybe with the exception of myself) noticed that somebody had entered the class and so we were laughing at other funny things said during our chatting. But because she had lived with this negative image of herself, her complexion to say the least, she thought and so believed that we were laughing or mocking at her.

Consider a situation wherein you define yourself as "flexible," you might expect this description to grant you considerable freedom for action -- but there will be times when you need to be non-flexible, i.e., determined. This dualism means that any self-image is only half-correct; there are occasions when you are (and need to be) flexible, and there are occasions when you are (and need to be) determined. Thus, when you are working to improve your self-image, you remember that it is only a default (and it is always limiting); in the long run, your goal is to be more aware of your intuition, so that you do not need this default, and instead you transcend it.

Countless people live with a mild to severe distorted perception of themselves, we often hear people say; “I am too fat, I am an awful person, I think I deserve this; it’s my entire fault, my problems don't matter to anybody, I am just a sack of bad luck..."

What is seen in the mirror isn't reality, and when they compare their physical or personality attributes to others they are extremely judgmental of themselves. A person with a negative self-image may see another person and think "I wish I could be as cute as them" and in reality, may actually be prettier. They may wish to be as smart, as funny or as compassionate as another person that they are equally as good as -- the bottom line is that they cannot see their own good traits, especially in comparison to others, because of the low self-esteem they have of themselves.

Another excellent example of a distorted perception is black and white thinking... Thinking that bad situations or feelings are the complete end of the world, and good situations or emotions are as bright as the sun. There is no stability or "normalized" thinking with a middle ground, but harsh swings from one extreme to another. 

To be continued…

Self-Image

Dear loving people,

I enrolled for a Maters program recently. My first day in school was so amazing because I met a couple of friends that I had not seen for a long time. We spent some time chatting in class mostly during the early days of the course and as observant as I was, I soon noticed an interesting coincidence taking shape before my very eyes.

One of my classmates was this chocolate-brown girl who by coincidence or design walked in most of the times just around the times when we broke out laughing. She will look scornfully at our direction each time this happened and then just walk clumsily to the nearest bench where she would ‘collapse’ into it dejectedly.

This went on surprisingly for a long time and I soon noticed as time went on that each time she came to class and noticed we were in, she would loiter around until classes began so she will walk in with the mass and thus avoid our demoralizing laughter. As irregular in school as I was because of my other schedules, I soon noticed that the girls’ complexion was changing for the worse. She was getting lighter and lighter in complexion as our course progressed such that by the end of the first year, the girl’s complexion had undergone a 100% lightening and she was now frightfully ‘light’ in complexion.

What had happen to her beautiful chocolate-brown complexion much admired by many? I was so touched by such a negative transformation that I approached Doris as she was called for a talk. It was during these discussions that I came to understand what was happening with her, I was exposed to the self-inflicted torture she was undergoing.

Doris came from a humble background where she quickly evaluated herself as an ugly girl. She felt people didn’t like her around because of her imagined ugliness and despite her apparent intelligence; she could not come to grips with such conclusions. Very little of her friends where males and the only explanation according to her was as a result of her ugly physical appearance. She felt laughed at everywhere she went and so she decided to artificially modify her complexion so as to gain the admiration of others. According to her, her complexion was too dark for the image she had of a beautiful girl.

So when she got to the University, she started saving some money from her allowance to be able to undergo the costly procedures of modifying her complexion. It downed on me that Doris was suffering from the direct consequence of nursing a very negative self-image. But what exactly is self-image? 

To be continued….

Little Things We Ignore, That Matter

Dear loving people,

Let’s examine some of the things we take for granted and that hinder our success in many areas:

1.     Self-Awareness

Millions of people fail in life because they consciously or unconsciously insist on doing the things on a daily basis that disrupt not only their relationships but also their bodies, the mental capacity and their lives in general. They waste a greater part of their time doing things that are not productive yet time is such an asset that we all share the same amount. It does not matter whether you live in a hurt or in a villa; we all share the same amount of time. Achievers know that they must STOP wasting it!

  

2.   Focus

It is difficult to focus if you are not self-aware. Think back on what you have focused on for the past one week? Have you been positive all the days? It has been proven that negative thoughts attract negative patterns. It is today known that our thoughts do have actual weight and existence. This means that your negative thought do actually weigh you down! When you constantly think about something, then every opportunity that arises to get you closer to that something, you will be able to capitalize on it. That is why it is said that “you attract what you focus on most. Said another way, “God will give you what you pray about most.”

3.   Support System

You must get rid of anything that is unsupportive of your dreams. Unfortunately, there are no two ways about this; Life is too short and the world is TOO BIG to be held down any longer! When you get your spouse on board, you will have the greatest MASTERMIND ever created! You are unstoppable with the support of the one you love! Sit down, have a real conversation and get your spouse on board; you will be so powerful with this tool!

 

4.   Confidence

You have to be confident in yourself! You will face temporary defeat in pursuit of Success! You can bet on that but then, you must hang on if you need to make it. You have to be confident in your own ability to complete, to succeed, and to win. With This unwavering confidence you will stand taller and make the right decisions faster.

 

5.    Decision Making

The greatest entrepreneurs of all time have all had the ability to look at the facts, consider their resources and make a prompt decision on a situation. Napoleon Hill states that the wealthiest of men make decisions promptly and change them slowly while the poor are indecisive if ever coming to a conclusion. By making prompt decisions, you become the leader of the pack while Mr. Indecisive goes home defeated.

 

6.   Imagination

There would be no lights, no cars, no planes, no Television or anything else without the great imaginations of the past greatest entrepreneurs! You should be taking time every day to imagine your success, make it real in your mind, and it will become real in the world. Your imagination is one of your greatest gifts and is completely unique to you! Use it, all the times!

 

7.    Do it

This is where it all happens. How many times have you said you wanted to do something and didn't? Be honest and answer to yourself. Do something right now toward achieving the success you want. Start right this second. If you say later, you will always say later, do something right now. The timing is never right. Just do it, instead of figuring out reasons why not to do it? Write something right now! Do something! Do something amazing! Just go right ahead and do it because you know that what you want to do is the right thing that you must do.