Dear lovely people,
When David’s bus left Douala that
morning, it was clear in his mind that it was over with Dorothy. He relaxed in
the comfort of a 72 seater bus and allowed his mind to wonder back to some of
the difficult moments he had been through with Dorothy. He remembered clearly
that a lot had happened between them added to the distance and that all his
efforts to save the relationship was futile.
David, knew he was part of the
problem. He had never found a way to forgive Dorothy since the day he met her
embracing another man at the entrance of a hotel in Douala. To him that was the
foundation of their chain of difficulties. He was still pensive when a waiter
shook him to remind him that they arrived the bus stop in Yaounde, it was
amazing to realize he had been buried in thoughts throughout the four-hour
journey.
Boarding a taxi, he decided to go
straight home, take a bath before going to his automobile spare parts shop. On
the way, his phone rang and when he answered the call, he felt like jumping
through the window of the taxi to end it all. His brother was at the other end
of the line, telling him that his shop was subject of an ongoing conflagration.
By the time he got to the scene, everything he had so worked for was reduced to
ashes.
From all counts, this was another
tough blow on David in one day, his emotional and professional worlds were
crashing in on him at the same time. I am not sure what is up with you now but
does David’s story sound familiar? You might have gone through such, going
through such or know somebody who has gone through or is going through such
evidently horrible trials.
Whatever the situation you might
find yourself in, let me talk to you about three things essential in bouncing
back after a major setback as the one David found himself in after all,
bouncing back is what makes the difference between losers and winners.
Firstly, you should let
yourself fully feel the emotions. Faced with a major failure in your
life,
you may be overcome with disappointment, and despair. Holding in your painful
feelings can have negative effects on your health, your relationships, and your
future success. Rather take time off to notice each emotion as it comes to you.
Take time to name the emotion, be it anger, sadness, fear, or shame. This will
enable you to work through it without blaming it on yourself or others. It’s
equally important that you take time to process your feelings. If you try to
fix or move past your disappointment before knowing how you feel; you may act
rashly.
Secondly, work to address the cause of the failure.
What went wrong and how did it go wrong? Could it have been prevented? Think
about possible solutions you could have put into action, and what their
consequences would have been. Were your initial expectations unrealistic? For
example if you were disappointed in love as was the case with David, ask
yourself if you were putting unusual pressure or expectations on your romantic
partner. Did you understand how they were feeling throughout the relationship?
Did you support their projects and friendships?
Thirdly, change your approach and try
again. Brainstorm ideas and select the one that seems durable. Ask
yourself if you have the resources to put your new plan into place. What new
problems are likely to come up? How will you solve them? What needs to be in
place before you begin? This is the time when you must avoid repeating the same
mistakes. Your new approach should not include any of the strategies that may
have caused your last approach to fail.
It is equally important that you create
a plan B. Even well-executed approaches can fail due to unforeseen
complications. With your new goal set, and your new plan solidified,
set out to achieve your goal. Take the time to reflect on your progress as your
steps take effect. Feel free to change your approach. You are learning as you
go, and a natural part of this process is to adjust and tweak your approach.
