When All Hope Seems Lost

Dear lovely people,

When David’s bus left Douala that morning, it was clear in his mind that it was over with Dorothy. He relaxed in the comfort of a 72 seater bus and allowed his mind to wonder back to some of the difficult moments he had been through with Dorothy. He remembered clearly that a lot had happened between them added to the distance and that all his efforts to save the relationship was futile.

David, knew he was part of the problem. He had never found a way to forgive Dorothy since the day he met her embracing another man at the entrance of a hotel in Douala. To him that was the foundation of their chain of difficulties. He was still pensive when a waiter shook him to remind him that they arrived the bus stop in Yaounde, it was amazing to realize he had been buried in thoughts throughout the four-hour journey.

Boarding a taxi, he decided to go straight home, take a bath before going to his automobile spare parts shop. On the way, his phone rang and when he answered the call, he felt like jumping through the window of the taxi to end it all. His brother was at the other end of the line, telling him that his shop was subject of an ongoing conflagration. By the time he got to the scene, everything he had so worked for was reduced to ashes.

From all counts, this was another tough blow on David in one day, his emotional and professional worlds were crashing in on him at the same time. I am not sure what is up with you now but does David’s story sound familiar? You might have gone through such, going through such or know somebody who has gone through or is going through such evidently horrible trials.

Whatever the situation you might find yourself in, let me talk to you about three things essential in bouncing back after a major setback as the one David found himself in after all, bouncing back is what makes the difference between losers and winners.

Firstly, you should let yourself fully feel the emotions. Faced with a major failure in your life, you may be overcome with disappointment, and despair. Holding in your painful feelings can have negative effects on your health, your relationships, and your future success. Rather take time off to notice each emotion as it comes to you. Take time to name the emotion, be it anger, sadness, fear, or shame. This will enable you to work through it without blaming it on yourself or others. It’s equally important that you take time to process your feelings. If you try to fix or move past your disappointment before knowing how you feel; you may act rashly.

Secondly, work to address the cause of the failure. What went wrong and how did it go wrong? Could it have been prevented? Think about possible solutions you could have put into action, and what their consequences would have been. Were your initial expectations unrealistic? For example if you were disappointed in love as was the case with David, ask yourself if you were putting unusual pressure or expectations on your romantic partner. Did you understand how they were feeling throughout the relationship? Did you support their projects and friendships?

Thirdly, change your approach and try again. Brainstorm ideas and select the one that seems durable. Ask yourself if you have the resources to put your new plan into place. What new problems are likely to come up? How will you solve them? What needs to be in place before you begin? This is the time when you must avoid repeating the same mistakes. Your new approach should not include any of the strategies that may have caused your last approach to fail.

It is equally important that you create a plan B. Even well-executed approaches can fail due to unforeseen complications. With your new goal set, and your new plan solidified, set out to achieve your goal. Take the time to reflect on your progress as your steps take effect. Feel free to change your approach. You are learning as you go, and a natural part of this process is to adjust and tweak your approach.

Face The Music

Dear lovely people,

Salmonella was downcast when we met that afternoon, her physique bore all imprints of a soul that had been psychologically stressed almost beyond limits. We had just been served two glasses of carrot juices, and I asked her what the problem was. I wanted to know why she looked like somebody who had been through a round rubbing tournament with all the devils in hell.

Unexpectedly, she burst out into tears, bawling terribly and almost going into fits. I sat there as if cast out of cement and struggled to give her a napkin at the same time, wondering why such a beauty would break into tears when I thought life was treating her well.

She told me, she’s read almost all of my articles, she’s attended my motivational speaking events and was trying her possible best to implement what she had learned but paradoxically, she’s been through all the troubles one can imagine. Her businesses are crumbling every day, her workers are disappointing her one after the other, her family is on her throat with all versions of disputes and worst still, she’s been through some relationships that were fashioned to ruin her than uplift her.

It all sounded like I was bracing up for motivational championship. I began with a question that brought the tears streaming down her cheeks to a complete stop. “What kind of life have you been leading?” she looked at me, deemed her eyes and ask the obvious “Do you mean living or leading?” and my response was instantaneous “both are correct”.

It turns out that Salmonella is one of those who think that when your income base starts increasing, it means you should forget some principles you had set for yourself when you were still struggling. She no longer did her check and balances, she would give-in to the least pressure and though every issues could be settled with banknotes. Her businesses no longer had the same attention she gave it in the past, was no longer that critical, matter-of-fact person she used to be. The outcome was that she allowed seemingly little things to build up overtime to become major barricades to the extent she could no longer manage them.

The fact is that we all want success in life but most people often forget that success is not necessarily measured in terms of the banknotes we have stored away in bank accounts. When the success you seek comes, you don’t have to forget about that once focused and in-control-person that you had always been. You just have to maintain your operations under control least they start working to your own disfavor. If you marry your quest for success with blind-rocking and docility, you will at one moment face the music you have intoned.

Your climb up the mountain of success and personal achievement can be tough and bone wrecking but once up there, you must keep it at the center of your mind that your fall down even beyond the bottom can be so quick and lethal that you will left with no nerve to bounce back. Maintaining yourself at the summit then becomes a full-time job.

I Will Grow

Dear lovely people,

Someday, yes someday,

I will get there, I will be there,

No matter the odds, I will grow.

Someday, yes someday,

When the bells of triumph ring,

I will live the life I cherish so much,

No matter the odds today, I will grow.

‘I will grow’ sounds like a promise from a mustered seed isn't it? Maybe but its equally an affirmation especially to the self for them that want to work for a transformation in their lives. I do believe the phrase you are what you think and I think many other people too. I think that life truly stems from one’s thoughts but how we experience it, is different for both losers and winners. While losers rely purely on thoughts, winners translate such thoughts into words and eventually into concrete actions in order to manifest their intentions.

One secrete about winners is that they are very careful with their words, choosing to speak only those which work towards their benefit and cultivate their highest good. Affirmations such as ‘I will grow’ help purify their thoughts and restructure the dynamic of their brains so that they truly begin to think nothing is impossible. One of my greatest affirmative statements is “I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.” And I reinforce it with “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

Florence Scovel Shinn has this to add “You will be a failure, until you impress the subconscious with the conviction you are a success. This is done by making an affirmation which 'clicks.'”