You Must Swing Your Pendulum!

Dear Loving People,

I agree with Arthur Schopenhauer who says “Life swings like a pendulum backward and forward between pain and boredom”. As a matter of fact, Life is a lot like a swinging pendulum. On the one side of the pendulum is happiness, fulfillment, excitement, variety, interest, and on the other side is the potential for failure, risk, disappointment, and criticism.

Recently, I kept late nights at a time when I would much rather be sleeping than staying awake in the dark thinking things over. But the truth of the matter is, this pendulum equation of life has been ringing in my mind for a while and enough to keep me sleepless. I have been thinking of what will happen if I brought my pendulum to a standstill. If that were to happened, it means for certain that I will not have issues like failure, risk, disappointment and no one will say anything bad about me; however, I will likewise miss out on all the excitement of life, the fulfillment, the variety, the interest and the happiness.

During these reflections, I realized how much I micro managed the last seven months of my work life. Every day I left my house for work, I was deeply worried about one work-related thing or the other, as if that was not bad enough, I got tired of the management system in place. In fact, the mere thought that I will meet some faces at my office spoiled my day; I got really disappointed with some of the routines.

From that moment, my pendulum continued to swing. I critically examined all that happened around me in the office. Every ‘Yes’ I said had a purpose. I wanted to be at the center of every negotiation, for short, I wanted to become a ‘Mr. Fixit’. The pressure was mounting and I was unwilling to stop it. Many colleagues who found profit in what I was doing congratulated me, but inside I was screaming “This is not part of the plan.” I thus concluded I badly needed a change. For seven good months, I fought tooth and nail (bones and brains) to get out of such an emasculating system and out of the prison of my depression… guess what, I did. I got a new job!

The pendulum was finally swinging in a direction I was happy with. Life changed. I changed. Anxiety and fear no longer controlled what I was doing (or lack of doing). Depression no longer had a hold of my heart and spirit and for the first time in my life I was absolutely present in the moment.

Do you realize how much you cannot swing a pendulum one way? Think about this for all aspects of your life.  In every relationship there is a risk that your heart can be broken. When you raise a family there is a risk that child will make bad choices that bring pain to themselves and others or shame to your family as a whole.  However you don’t run away from a relationship or a family because you are scared of the Potential for pain.  You are willing to take a risk because you want the other side of the pendulum.

Now think about your business.  On the one side is financial freedom, excitement, fulfillment, success, but on the other side is the Potential for rejection, criticism, failure and disappointment.

The journey to a fulfilling life and that of achievement is about finding balance and honestly, I   know I have not been doing a good job of finding that balance. Contradictory ideas have been running rampart in my mind and playing themselves out in ways that I never thought would happen to me. While work is essential and central to me now, my recent act of frequently moving jobs is really painful at times…I want better jobs, my mind is saying otherwise.

Unfortunately, I often meet people who let the pendulum stand still. They don’t want the failure, the rejection or the disappointment, so they don’t take massive action where risk is present. However, what they fail to recognize is that by making this choice they are also missing out on the other side of the pendulum – financial freedom, fulfillment, variety and excitement.

My advice – get moving, stretch all options beyond limits, generate enthusiasm and swing your pendulum as high as it can get! You must dare a lot in order to get a lot.

The less you are scared of the “bad side” of the pendulum and are willing to charge ahead then the pendulum will eventually swing to the good side. Nobody will hold you accountable if you fail anyway, failure is never permanent unless you accept it as such. That is how life was designed by the powers that be to function.

I believe this is a universal law – if you are willing to push the pendulum to the “bad side” then it will inevitably swing the other way! The ‘good side’

At any one moment from now, you have the choice either to swing your pendulum or not. Whichever choice you make will certainly shape your future.

To your success

Self-confidence is a Building Block

Dear loving people,

Self-confidence is an attitude which allows individuals to have positive yet realistic views of themselves and their situations. Self-confident people trust their own abilities, have a general sense of control in their lives, and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they wish, plan, and expect. Having self-confidence does not mean that individuals will be able to do everything. Self-confident people have expectations that are realistic. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.

Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle: People who lack self-confidence can find it difficult to become successful. After all, most people are reluctant to back a project that's being led by someone who was nervous, fumbling, and overly apologetic.

Self-confidence is exactly the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits. Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality — the more self-confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed.

One way to start boosting your self-confidence is to affirm your worth, truly, affirmations work magic. Write a list of statements that say what you want and how you want to be in life such as, "I get more confident everyday". "I am an expert at what I do, I know I am". State all affirmations in the present. Some people stand in front of a mirror and say them. I also encourage you to record them and play the tape over and over. Read your affirmations at least once a day.

Then you have to evaluate your relationships. Assess the relationships in your life. Do they support you or sabotage you? All relationships change with time; some get better, some get worse. If you have relationships in your life that are more of a burden then a joy, it may be time to get rid of them.

Evaluating your existing relationships give room for you to start new relationships. Identify people that have the qualities you admire - people you feel you could learn from and who could learn from you, as well. Look for people you can have fun with. Boosting your confidence can be really fun, if you want it to be. This may be time for a traditional support group. Chatting over a cup of palm wine with your pals might be a remedy. Organize your own group of confidence boosters and support each other in making changes. Remember my post on Fulcrum Of Success (FOS)? You might want to read that again.

Above all and most importantly, you will have to change your behavior.
What do you do that boosts your confidence and what do you do that brings it down? Exercise, getting enough sleep, speaking your mind, and dressing well are behaviors that tend to boost confidence. Staying up late, spending all your time with some lousy friends, and saying "yes" to avoid confrontation when you really want to say "no" will bring your confidence down.

Never forget to speak up. When we withhold communication because we are afraid of how we will be received, we chip away another bit of our confidence. Share your thoughts, opinions, and preferences. Speak up in all situations. As part of a formidable human potential development organization – Gold Touch International, I learned that you should make it a point of duty to speak-up wherever you are. The insignificant situations will be practice for the important occasions that are sure to follow.

In doing all of this, ensure that you take a risk a day. A risk is something you would do in an instant if you knew you would be successful. It is the fact that you do not know how it will turn out that makes it a risk. The best way to bolster your confidence is to start doing things you are afraid to do. Make a list of risks for you and start to do them one by one.

Sometimes, it takes a few days to boost your confidence, sometimes, it takes a few weeks. Occasionally it can take a few months to overcome a confidence deficiency. Know that if you are consistent with your confidence boosting techniques, you will eventually find yourself renewed, stronger, and more confident.

Use Cleicher’s Formula

Dear loving people,

It is not my plan to drag you into the world of organizational development but let us try to correlate Napoleon Hill’s "No One Drifts to Success" discussed in my previous post with David Cleicher's organizational development model (its not going to be a maths class, don't worry). 

 

 Dissatisfaction x Vision x First Steps > Resistance to Change

Yes! You read it right. Do you notice Hill’s concept in it? Look at it this way; because you are not satisfied with happenings in your life, because you have realized that you are underperforming, you define a vision (definiteness of purpose) for yourself. Then you plan and take concrete steps towards achieving it in order not to be remain a “drifter” (resistance to change). Wao! Do you see the correlation? Are you convinced now? Read on…

Cleicher’s formula is demonstrating that three components must all be present to overcome the resistance to change in an organization (you can replace organization with your life): Dissatisfaction with the present situation, a vision of what is possible in the future, and achievable first steps towards reaching this vision. If any of the three is zero or near zero, the product will also be zero or near zero and the resistance to change will dominate.

In other words, given that Dissatisfaction, vision and first steps are multiplied, if anyone is absent or low, then the product will be low and therefore not capable of overcoming the resistance.

Therefore, to ensure a successful change, it is necessary to use influence and strategic thinking in order to create vision and identify those crucial, early steps towards it. In addition, the organization must recognize and accept the dissatisfaction that exists by communicating industry trends, leadership ideas, best practice and competitive analysis to identify the necessity for change (consider hiring me if your organization needs a change).

While Organizational Development experts use this model as an easy, quick diagnostic aid to decide if change is possible within an organization, you can as an individual apply the same strategy in your life to enable these three components to surface, so you can begin the process of positive change.

Again, recognize and accept the dissatisfaction that exist in your life by maybe looking at the ways in which you do most of the things that fail while others do them and succeed in order to identify the necessity for change.

Kick-starting change towards making your processes more efficient and increasing your performance is at all times a wise decision.  

If you need more help with this, I am readily available and always remember, you are the CEO of your own life.