When All Hope Seems Lost

Dear lovely people,

When David’s bus left Douala that morning, it was clear in his mind that it was over with Dorothy. He relaxed in the comfort of a 72 seater bus and allowed his mind to wonder back to some of the difficult moments he had been through with Dorothy. He remembered clearly that a lot had happened between them added to the distance and that all his efforts to save the relationship was futile.

David, knew he was part of the problem. He had never found a way to forgive Dorothy since the day he met her embracing another man at the entrance of a hotel in Douala. To him that was the foundation of their chain of difficulties. He was still pensive when a waiter shook him to remind him that they arrived the bus stop in Yaounde, it was amazing to realize he had been buried in thoughts throughout the four-hour journey.

Boarding a taxi, he decided to go straight home, take a bath before going to his automobile spare parts shop. On the way, his phone rang and when he answered the call, he felt like jumping through the window of the taxi to end it all. His brother was at the other end of the line, telling him that his shop was subject of an ongoing conflagration. By the time he got to the scene, everything he had so worked for was reduced to ashes.

From all counts, this was another tough blow on David in one day, his emotional and professional worlds were crashing in on him at the same time. I am not sure what is up with you now but does David’s story sound familiar? You might have gone through such, going through such or know somebody who has gone through or is going through such evidently horrible trials.

Whatever the situation you might find yourself in, let me talk to you about three things essential in bouncing back after a major setback as the one David found himself in after all, bouncing back is what makes the difference between losers and winners.

Firstly, you should let yourself fully feel the emotions. Faced with a major failure in your life, you may be overcome with disappointment, and despair. Holding in your painful feelings can have negative effects on your health, your relationships, and your future success. Rather take time off to notice each emotion as it comes to you. Take time to name the emotion, be it anger, sadness, fear, or shame. This will enable you to work through it without blaming it on yourself or others. It’s equally important that you take time to process your feelings. If you try to fix or move past your disappointment before knowing how you feel; you may act rashly.

Secondly, work to address the cause of the failure. What went wrong and how did it go wrong? Could it have been prevented? Think about possible solutions you could have put into action, and what their consequences would have been. Were your initial expectations unrealistic? For example if you were disappointed in love as was the case with David, ask yourself if you were putting unusual pressure or expectations on your romantic partner. Did you understand how they were feeling throughout the relationship? Did you support their projects and friendships?

Thirdly, change your approach and try again. Brainstorm ideas and select the one that seems durable. Ask yourself if you have the resources to put your new plan into place. What new problems are likely to come up? How will you solve them? What needs to be in place before you begin? This is the time when you must avoid repeating the same mistakes. Your new approach should not include any of the strategies that may have caused your last approach to fail.

It is equally important that you create a plan B. Even well-executed approaches can fail due to unforeseen complications. With your new goal set, and your new plan solidified, set out to achieve your goal. Take the time to reflect on your progress as your steps take effect. Feel free to change your approach. You are learning as you go, and a natural part of this process is to adjust and tweak your approach.