Dear lovely people,
That morning, Sharon was dressed in her very best. She took time to shop
for an all pink to match from hair to toe. As she drove to work, she was
feeling on top of the world. She was sure to have an award at the all staff
conference you know, the biggest annual event in her company bringing staff
from branches all over the world. She had visualized in all forms the moment
when she will be called onstage, she had rehearsed her steps for when she will
be called, she rehearsed her speech and salutation in a middle of the broadest
smile she will muster. For short, all was set for the fame.
Her colleague and friend cautioned here to take it easy but she was so buried
in her fantasy that she did not pay hid. She had all the assurances from her
boss’ reactions and the tons of praises showered on her about her performance
were enough to get her a little bit obsessive. Then came the moment and the
Mater of Ceremony started calling the names of those to receive awards…
It was a completely devastated and inconsolable Sharon who left the
hall. She felt as if her world was ended, she barely had energy to carry
herself through the doors. The disappointment was too much for here feeble
self, come to think of it, that she sat through the event and was not called
up? That all eyes of those who expected magic were on her, it was just too much
for her.
Familiar
with Sharon’s situation? I trust you do. Sometimes life can just get hard for
us. Most people have different ways of coping with discouragement and
disappointment. When life gets hard and we feel down, there is no better way to
lift ourselves up than spending time with God. Jeremiah 29:11 confirms it: “For I know the plans I have for you,
declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and
a hope.”
Hope means that a disappointment just might be an opportunity for you to
adjust your expectations. Not every team
wins the Olympic gold. Not every applicant gets the job. Not every staff gets
the promotion and the medals. Not every marriage soars. It might make sense not
to set your goals so high. But who wants to settle for mediocrity?
On the one hand, hope can be misplaced. If
your highest hope is in achievement, you will eventually be
disappointed—success is transient. King Solomon wrote, "As I looked at everything I
had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless . . . like chasing
the wind" (Ecclesiastes
2:11). On the other hand, if we're so afraid of disappointment
that we lower our hopes, we can close ourselves off from what God may have in
mind. The proper balance can be elusive.
A break through is to be objective while managing disappointment. I know it can be difficult to explore your
own disappointment. When we are upset it is easier to give ourselves either too
little or too much blame. Seek out other opinions to help determine if your
disappointment is founded. Those you trust can help you to evaluate your own
expectations, separate yourself from disappointment instigating people and
situations and to determine if it is time to modify your goals. This is what
Sharon did and read below the assertive message she told herself that worked
the magic in bring her back on rails:
I know that presently, I’m feeling disappointed about a part of my life
that just isn’t going how I planned - Sharon told herself. No matter how hard I
try, this one piece just won’t fall into place. I think I’m doing everything
right – I read all the blogs and I buy the books. My
friends have advice – lots of it – mainly because I talk about it all the time.
They hate to see me suffer, so they help by offering ideas for improvement. Some
days I don’t trust myself. I wonder, is my judgment off? What is wrong with me?
Some days, I’m on top of the world – confident that my time will come –
sure that the things I want are just around the corner, or about to walk
through the door. Today is not that day. I remember when I felt this way about getting
a job. The self-doubt, disappointment and fear felt the exact same as it does
now, even if for a different reason. Here’s what I’m going do this week to deal
with my disappointment:
Firstly, I’m going to take a deep
breath. I’m going to exhale
my disappointment to the universe. I’m going to practice letting go. Tonight I’m
going to have dinner and a glass of wine with a good friend. I’ll probably cry and that’s okay. Tomorrow I’ll
get myself out of bed and I’ll go to work because that’s what you do – you pick up and move on –
even when you don’t want to – because moving forward is the only thing you can
do.
When tomorrow hurts, I’m going to go
for a walk outside and breathe. I’m going to buy myself a latte
and try to focus on my work. Tomorrow night, I’m going to congratulate myself for getting through the
day because sometimes, that’s
all we really have to do. In the moments between action and
doing, I’m going to take note of what
I learned from this experience – what I didn’t like about it,
what I could have done differently, and most importantly, I’m going to
congratulate myself for what I did RIGHT.
Charles Stanley says “Our
heavenly Father understands our disappointment, suffering, pain, fear, and
doubt. He is always there to encourage our hearts and help us understand that
He's sufficient for all of our needs. When I accepted this as an absolute truth
in my life, I found that my worrying stopped.”
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