Self-confidence is a Building Block

Dear loving people,

Self-confidence is an attitude which allows individuals to have positive yet realistic views of themselves and their situations. Self-confident people trust their own abilities, have a general sense of control in their lives, and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they wish, plan, and expect. Having self-confidence does not mean that individuals will be able to do everything. Self-confident people have expectations that are realistic. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.

Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle: People who lack self-confidence can find it difficult to become successful. After all, most people are reluctant to back a project that's being led by someone who was nervous, fumbling, and overly apologetic.

Self-confidence is exactly the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits. Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality — the more self-confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed.

One way to start boosting your self-confidence is to affirm your worth, truly, affirmations work magic. Write a list of statements that say what you want and how you want to be in life such as, "I get more confident everyday". "I am an expert at what I do, I know I am". State all affirmations in the present. Some people stand in front of a mirror and say them. I also encourage you to record them and play the tape over and over. Read your affirmations at least once a day.

Then you have to evaluate your relationships. Assess the relationships in your life. Do they support you or sabotage you? All relationships change with time; some get better, some get worse. If you have relationships in your life that are more of a burden then a joy, it may be time to get rid of them.

Evaluating your existing relationships give room for you to start new relationships. Identify people that have the qualities you admire - people you feel you could learn from and who could learn from you, as well. Look for people you can have fun with. Boosting your confidence can be really fun, if you want it to be. This may be time for a traditional support group. Chatting over a cup of palm wine with your pals might be a remedy. Organize your own group of confidence boosters and support each other in making changes. Remember my post on Fulcrum Of Success (FOS)? You might want to read that again.

Above all and most importantly, you will have to change your behavior.
What do you do that boosts your confidence and what do you do that brings it down? Exercise, getting enough sleep, speaking your mind, and dressing well are behaviors that tend to boost confidence. Staying up late, spending all your time with some lousy friends, and saying "yes" to avoid confrontation when you really want to say "no" will bring your confidence down.

Never forget to speak up. When we withhold communication because we are afraid of how we will be received, we chip away another bit of our confidence. Share your thoughts, opinions, and preferences. Speak up in all situations. As part of a formidable human potential development organization – Gold Touch International, I learned that you should make it a point of duty to speak-up wherever you are. The insignificant situations will be practice for the important occasions that are sure to follow.

In doing all of this, ensure that you take a risk a day. A risk is something you would do in an instant if you knew you would be successful. It is the fact that you do not know how it will turn out that makes it a risk. The best way to bolster your confidence is to start doing things you are afraid to do. Make a list of risks for you and start to do them one by one.

Sometimes, it takes a few days to boost your confidence, sometimes, it takes a few weeks. Occasionally it can take a few months to overcome a confidence deficiency. Know that if you are consistent with your confidence boosting techniques, you will eventually find yourself renewed, stronger, and more confident.

The Two Wolves

Dear loving people,

Let’s get a bit abstract today. One of the things I retained from my literature class was the definition of internal conflict which ties perfectly with that of Wikipedia; the struggle occurring within a character's mind. As opposed to external conflict, in which a character is grappling some force outside of him or herself, the dilemma posed by an internal conflict is usually some ethical or emotional question. Indicators of internal conflict would be a character's hesitation or self-posing questions like "what was it I did wrong?

What we see that is not right in society is actually a reflection of the collective mindset in a particular area. This points us in the direction of looking at that which is not right within us. Inner conflict runs between extremes. On one end of the polarity spectrum there is total withdrawal expressed as narcissism in the personality complex. The narcissistic defense mechanism is one that detaches emotions from intimate forms of connectivity with a need to control life, people and circumstances. 

You might have heard about the law of polarity which states that all things in life have its own polar opposite. This means for us achievers that; within every failure there is potential for success. Everything in life has an equal opposite. It is up to us as to what side of this pole to experience. Without one, we would not have the other. If we did not experience sadness we would not know enough to experience joy. Without pain we would not have pleasure. These polarities all work together for the greater good. We need only to understand this and appreciate this fact.

Given that all things are relative, without failure we would never experience true success. You can relate this to all things in your life. Stop judging the things in your life and start recognizing them for what they are. Failure and success are the same thing on opposite poles. Within one, is the potential for the other. In every failure, there lies within it the potential for success. We need only to recognize it as it is. Since they are the same things that lie just on the other side of the spectrum we need only turn our thoughts to the side of the spectrum we wish to experience.

Acceptance is the opposite of resistance and will bring more of what you desire. If we can accept failure for what it is and move forward, we will have the ability to accept success. If, however, we resist failure then we are putting our main focus on that failure which in turn attracts more of it and we will never experience success. It’s that simple.

An old Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said, “A battle is raging inside me…it is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, failure and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, faith and success.”

The old man looked at the children with a firm stare. “This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

They thought about it for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee replied: “The one you feed.”

 

The central lesson in the law of polarity is that all things have their own polar opposites and without one we would never experience the other. Do not resist that which you do not desire. Accept it and move your thoughts to those things you do desire.

The spirit within is the nexus of our existence-it is the force that animates our body, the Promethean Spark that gives life and substance to an otherwise lifeless body.

The Power of Willpower

Dear loving people,

The possession of willpower or its lack plays an important role in everyone's life. For example, you wish to be the best football player, knowing how good it is for your fame and how great you feel afterwards to be named best player, but you feel too lazy, and prefer to watch movies instead. You might be aware of the fact that you need to change your sporting habits or stop drinking too much alcohol, but you don't have the inner power and persistence to change these habits.

I can bet this sound familiar? How many times have you said, "I wish I had will power "? How many times have you started to do something, only to quit after a short while? We all have had experiences like these. Everyone has a few habits they wish they could get rid of, such as smoking, excessive drinking, laziness, procrastination or lack of assertiveness. To overcome these habits or addictions, one needs a certain degree of willpower. Their possession makes a great difference in everyone's life, bringing to the fore inner strength, self-mastery and decisiveness.

Will power is the ability to overcome laziness and procrastination. It is the ability to control or reject unnecessary or harmful impulses. It is the ability to arrive at a decision and follow it with perseverance until its successful accomplishment. It is the inner power that overcomes the desire to indulge in unnecessary and useless habits, and the inner strength that overcomes inner emotional and mental resistance for taking action. It is one of the corner stones of success, both spiritual and material.

Theodore Roosevelt, one of America’s celebrated Presidents said “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

I find everything I know about willpower in this Presidential quote. It displays what we as people are capable of when we are pushed to extremes. Every day, we are tested. Whether it’s a nice invitation to party with a date tempting us from our days plan or a warm bed coaxing us to sleep in when it’s time to work, we are forced to decide between what we want to do and what we ought to do.

The ability to resist our impulses is frequently described as willpower. The forces behind a person’s willpower have been the subject of increasing scrutiny by the scientific community trying to understand why some people overeat or abuse drugs and alcohol and others don’t. What researchers are finding is that willpower is essentially a mental muscle, and certain physical and mental forces can weaken or strengthen our self-control.

During my secondary school days, I decided I will never fall prey to the beauty of young women but will go for a woman only when I have CONCIOUSLY taken an informed decision to do so. Over seventeen years later, sticking to that principle has paid off. I must tell you that it has never been that easy but I have succeeded in resisting what some people will commonly call ‘temptation’ from some of the most charming women you can ever imagine. Not only do I not have that word ‘temptation’ in my dictionary but I have resisted pressures from numerous women that some men will plunge into head-long. I have extended this quality to many other areas in my life. I can stand up tall today and anywhere to tell whoever that will power is sheer magic.

You cannot take a conscious decision about something and later blame it on the simplistic ‘temptation’. If Jesus Christ defeated the devil after some tiresome forty days and nights in the wilderness, it was because he hadn’t that word ‘temptation’ in his vocabulary. If you are Christ-like and made in God’s image, you shouldn’t either.

Friedrich Nietzsche reordered the appellation calling it the will to power and saying that it is a prominent philosophical concept. He believed that the will to power is the main driving force in humans: achievement, ambition and the striving to reach the highest possible position in life.

If you are just starting and plan to “willpower” your way through success in life, chances are you are setting yourself up for failure because if you had enough willpower to do this before you wouldn’t be reading this in the first place, right?

It is your quest to succeed that is pushing you into learning the magic that is willpower and how to use it to your ought most advantage. Living Lectures can be part of the solution. Stick with us.

Be The Winning Speaker Part4: Ice the cake

Dear loving people,

 

Let us get back to our strategies of becoming a winning speaker and ice the cake with two more strategies:

 

Always interact with your audience: An easy technique to calm your nerves during a presentation is to engage the audience. Encourage them to participate. A simple way to do this is to ask your audience an interesting and topical question. You will be amazed at the responses you will receive.

If your audience has been sitting for a long time, you can interact with them by asking them to stand up, give their neighbor a friendly hand gesture, or by patting themselves on the back. This unexpected physical movement helps your audience stay more engaged with you for the rest of your presentation.

Should your nerves begin to raise, this gives you a quick break to compose yourself again before you continue on with your presentation. The key is to keep breathing…you will overcome your fears.

Always remember to breathe and enjoy: It’s common for anxiety to set in as you approach the platform to give your speech or even during your presentation. If this happens, then remember to take a deep breath and relax. You will get through it.

You can also relax yourself by simply focusing on a friendly face in the audience. For example, make eye contact with a listener who is smiling or nodding his head with what you are saying or has just laughed at one of your opening sentences or jokes. Once you find that friendly face in the audience immediately focus on that person and speak to him as if that person is your friend. This will calm you.

Public speaking can definitely be challenging at times but in the business world, it is really an inescapable part of the every day. As a business owner, you are by default the spokesperson for your company. So, embrace it and put your fears aside. Enjoy the experience!

 

Recapitulating and as a friendly reminder, when it comes to public speaking, remember to do the following:

1. Throw perfection out the door…don’t beat yourself up if you make a mistake or two during your presentation.
2. Be prepared and use an outline to present your ideas.
3. Add humor and humility to your presentation to connect with your audience.
4. Interact with your audience by asking questions.
5. Breathe and enjoy the experience.