Don't Tell Anybody Else

Dear loving people,

Has it occurred to you that indulging in gossip is like sinking the ship in which you are sailing? Many are those who hang onto it. Gossip is rampant, hurtful, and the closest cousin to victimization. Think of the impact it can have on you, your job and your quest for success. Lawrence G. Lovasik says “Only the ignorant and narrow-minded gossip, for they speak of persons instead of things.

Working tooth and nail for your own success is not a popularity contest. Success in what you do is not predicated on whether you take over your co-worker’s job or blackmail your way to the director’s office. Your success at work depends, first and foremost, on your skills and talents, and your ability to apply those skills and talents to your job in a way that pleases your Boss and the management of your organization.

Gossip can get seriously in the way of your success. It is unprofessional, mean, distracting, and never leads to the top. Worst still, gossip can jeopardize business within and organization… this is exactly what Nkurekoh did not know.

It was a bright Monday morning at Flexes Inc. Nkurekoh, a young beautify lady in her early thirties took the flight of steps leading up to the main entrance, two at a time, as if all the devils in hell were on her heels. Onlookers wondered what was happening to her especially when she almost knockdown an elderly woman who was coming out of the building and had no time to apologize. “I must meet Ngwentoh before the meeting starts” she repeated breathlessly to herself. At the top of the stairs, a beefy faced Johnson was more than shocked that Nkurekoh did not even look at his direction nor respond to his usual morning greetings.

Nkurekoh swung into Ngwentoh’s office unannounced only to realise that she was not on seat. “She must be in the conference room already” she told herself and off she went. In a few minutes, she did six offices and Ngwentoh was nowhere to be found. At long last, she met her in the canteen sipping coffee - an unusual occurrence but whose explanation must wait for another day.

Nkurekoh settled into the seat in front of Ngwentoh and dived into what was eating her up. “the latest is up my girl” she popped it out to Ngwentoh and did not wait for her skeptic reactions before continuing, looking around to make sure nobody was eavesdropping and protruding her proboscis-like mouth closest to Ngwentoh’s ears before speaking again. ‘Reliable sources has confirm to me that the deputy General Manager is HIV positive”, she dropped the bomb. Ngwentoh’s eyes bulged out like those of a compressed toad. “It is said that he tested positive last Monday” and the details came pouring out.

Ngwentoh in her usual manner intoned “are you sure about this? And by the way even if it’s true, what is new about it, HIV is only a disease Nkurekoh”. Shaking her head in denial, Nkurekoh went on. “Do you know that just last week he wanted to sleep with me? And if I had accepted, I will be a corpse as we speak. Well, the corporate meeting starts in the next few minutes let me go and prepare but the truth again is that I have told nobody else and let it end between the two of us”

You know when you say something to somebody and tell them not to tell any other person what you have told them, they do exactly the opposite. That is how before the start of the corporate meeting, half of the participants were aware of the Deputy General Manager’s HIV status. The story had been recounted over and over with horrible modifications; some people heard the same story over and over each time with horrific twisting. That alone spoiled the meeting that was unfortunately chaired by the Deputy General Manager. Being so ignorant of about HIV, the meeting was a chaos.

As an achiever, you have to develop strategies for managing gossip. That in itself is the beginning of eradicating it from your system. I have enumerated some below:

1.      Get your priorities straight. What do you want? To be successful at work? To get the projects and assignments you want? The raises, promotions and other achievements? Or to be known as the source for trouble, mediocrity or dirt on whomever? Sure, knowing the skeletons in the cupboards of various people may give you some influence for a while, but that influence is temporary and fragile, because as soon as those people can find a way to get rid of you, they will. No one appreciates blackmail, emotional or otherwise.

2.    Rise above. Refuse to engage in gossip. You don’t have to get arrogant about it: “I don’t discuss such matters.” And you don’t need to alienate your co-workers by playing the moral evangelist game: “That’s gossip! That’s terrible! How can you even mention that kind of thing?!” Rise above. When your co-worker insists, smile in a non-committal manner, and change the subject. Immediately. If your co-worker persists, simply ignore it and continue your own thoughts. We assume that because someone asks us a question we are required to answer it. No, you’re not. You can answer a question by offering something quite different or even nothing at all. When you rise above, you are no longer fun to play the gossip game with. Your co-worker will, in a remarkably short time, stop coming to you with gossip. Your co-worker may then attempt to gossip about you, to punish you for not playing the game, that you can always manage.

3.    Don’t give others something to gossip about. It’s really hard to cook up gossip about someone who comes in on time, does their work professionally and with integrity, is pleasant and civil to all, and keeps their nose out of other people’s business. Keep your private business out of the office, and you make it really difficult for people to babble about it. Julius and Dora didn’t have to use the restroom all at once; you know . . . Justine didn’t have to cry about her abortion to her workspace mate . . . 

4.    Be trustworthy. At some point or another, someone at work will either tell you something personal about themselves or their lives, or you’ll stumble on information that should be private. Be compassionate. If someone wants to cry on your shoulder, respect their vulnerability. Keep their problems to yourself. You’ll become known as someone who can keep a secret, as someone who respects others.

Always remember this Chinese Proverb which says “What is told into the ear of a man is often heard a hundred miles away.” If something is a secret then, don’t tell anybody else. Benjamin Franklin says “Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”

Steve Maraboli says, “How would your life be different if…You walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…You speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.”