First Impressions Aren’t Always Cut In Stone

Dear lovely people,

Vincent D’Onofrio says “It's pretty simple, pretty obvious: that people's first impressions of people are really a big mistake.” Do you agree?

In the mid-90s, I met one of the most wonderful people in the world. I just didn't know it. You see, we were in the same club and sat at the same table, but she struck me as negative. She seemed like she was always upset, always angry. Black and white, nothing in between. I found her obnoxious and very difficult to spend an hour with each day. However, I knew that I was going to be spending the whole year sitting at a table with her, so I should try to be nice. We chatted and emailed. I found her more and more difficult as time went on.

Then she texted me one night. She simply needed someone to talk to, she suffered a major setback. To be honest, I never thought comforting people was my string suit. But we ended up texting each other for over 3 hours! I was laughing my head off by the end of it! That was when I decided she couldn't be all bad. I was correct. But, this didn't become clear until months later, after the school year was over.

At some point around May, we both realized the other was very trustworthy. Even though she seemed negative, she could keep a secret. We began sharing bits of our lives, usually in the middle of the night. That was all great, but at school, she was still obnoxious. She was negative and kind of mean. I wasn't really sure what to think about it.

Just after school got out, I was going through some deep, emotional issues and my best friend was unavailable. So I thought "what the heck" I'll give this girl a try and begin telling her about it. She then reveals to me that she had a lot of the same problems, and whatever I do, don't start cutting myself. Not seeing what she was saying I respond "why would I do that?" The next text had three words. Because I did.

That was a game changer. She went on to say she had been for majority of the time I knew her, that she was just good at hiding it. Instantly, she was forgiven. To this day, I don't know why she cut herself, I never asked. All I know is she doesn't now. One of the happiest days of my life was when she sent me a text with the following words,

"It's scary how nice you are. You welcomed me in when I had nothing. When I was struggling with depression and self-harm. You're fantastic." I literally started crying. Thinking to myself "I thought so negatively of her, and now here she is saying that I'm an amazing friend? Crazy.

Did you get the point to this story, don't give up. People are, and always have been, imperfect. Give that person a second chance and who knows, they might become one of your best friends. After all, a simple smile to you may be a bigger deal to them.  Just remember, sad people are sad for a reason. Isn't it better to find out why before you judge them? I think so.