Pamela’s Project

Dear lovely people,

When I met Pamela, she was gapping at her computer screen and did not notice I had come in and was standing by her. For over half an hour, I stood by her without a word but noticed all the imprints of disbelieve on her face. She was completely lost and out of herself. I knew she had put in her all, she had consulted the best heads for advice and as a matter of fact, she went to extremes with her desk review and some of her best colleagues reviewed the project proposal before it was submitted. On her screen was the email in which I was copied as her supervisor. Her project was not selected?

I called her to my office and told her the truth; no matter how well you do the things you do, you are going to fail some of the times. Accepting this unfortunate fact sets in the ‘healing’ process. I explained to her that with failure often comes the tendency to beat yourself up over it, even calling yourself names. You must learn to identify some common negative thought patterns so you can nib them in the bud. These thoughts may include:

1.      I-am-the-best-thinking ("I have to do it perfectly all the times");

2.    Giving-up-on-Self-thinking ("This is terrible. There's no way I can bounce back from this"); or

3.    Self-denigration-thinking ("I'm a failure, a complete mess").

I made her to understand that when you notice these kinds of thoughts arise, you have to question them. They are coming from a negatively biased, critical place. Instead, ask yourself, "Is this really true?" Look for evidence for and against these claims. Write down an affirmation that goes against the negative self-talk. If you keep thinking of yourself as a failure, write something like, "I am a talented person" on a sticky note and put it on your mirror. Say it aloud to yourself and you can begin to change your negative thinking.

I made her to clearly understand that the sweetest and enduring victory is the one that’s most difficult to attain. The one that requires you to reach down deep inside, to fight with everything you’ve got, to be willing to leave everything out there on the battlefield—without knowing, until that do-or-die moment, if your heroic effort will be enough. Society doesn’t reward defeat, and you won’t find many failures documented in history books.

I called on her to step back often and reexamine some important facts about herself and her surroundings. Sometimes without people who believe in us, we begin to question our value and worth. If family and those closest to you find fault and criticize, find those who will encourage and cheer you on and never downplay your integrity.

Nothing destroys our credibility and opportunities more quickly than breaches of integrity. Once begun, lies, distortions and exaggerations tend to feed on themselves and require more of the same in an attempt to maintain the status quo and so should remain visionary.

Without a clear vision for the future, we become wandering generalities. Be able to convey with confidence your strongest areas of competence. No one is attracted to someone who just “wants a job.” Know your unique value to an organization.

Lastly, I told her to go back to her office, and plan to review her project from a different perspective for resubmission to the funder.

So I now ask you, how would you rate her feelings thereafter? Share your thoughts with us.