The Crocodile And The Fish!

Dear loving people,

   

While living with my parents in a rural community sometime in the past, I went fishing with some friends at the nearby river one August morning. It was such an interesting experience that enabled me to learn something.

Sitting by the river side, I noticed a huge crocodile swimming sluggishly close to the surface of the water towards me. There was equally a shoal of fish swimming away from me and towards the advancing crocodile.  The sluggish crocodile opened its mouth wide as if to yawn and unfortunately for one of the fish, it swam directly into its jaws when the crocodile closed its mouth again.

As greedy as the crocodile was, it once again opened its mouth probably to get more fish trapped in before chewing. I could clearly see that the fish in its mouth was still alive and fighting to free itself.  I thought of assisting the unfortunate fish but couldn’t dare because I figured the crocodile will not spare my arm if at all it didn’t get me in place of the fish.

I could see the little fish fighting tooth and nail to free itself in the crocodile’s mouth.  It twisted from side to side, jumping as high as it could even though some of its fins appeared broken.  I was calling to it to jump out of the crocodile’s mouth before the jaws clamped shut again.  I feared the fish would then be swallowed up.

Then I decided to remove my hook from the water and to step away so as not to block the way.  When I did, the little fish jumped out of the crocodile’s mouth and swam away into the wild river as fast as it could propel itself.

Now I tell you that no matter what your current circumstances are, this anecdote has a strong message for you if you are serious about your quest for success. 

Just a little exercise, consider yourself to be the fish and label the crocodile with your worst fears and challenges to success then you will better appreciate how sluggish and useless such fears and challenges are in the face of your determination to excel. 

Do you then notice how much you have been worrying yourself to death? Don't you feel sometimes that you are being swallowed up by your worst fears and challenges?

Now put yourself in my place as the observer of that scene. Haven't you often thought of ways to reach in and help yourself, but you didn't quite dare?  How might you step aside and get out of your own way so that you might soar?

Instead of swimming in the direction of your worst fears and getting caught by your challenges, can you swim somewhere else?  Where?  See it and swim there!

The possibilities are endless and intriguing.  Remember this story the next time you are afraid of moving on!

The Two Wolves

Dear loving people,

Let’s get a bit abstract today. One of the things I retained from my literature class was the definition of internal conflict which ties perfectly with that of Wikipedia; the struggle occurring within a character's mind. As opposed to external conflict, in which a character is grappling some force outside of him or herself, the dilemma posed by an internal conflict is usually some ethical or emotional question. Indicators of internal conflict would be a character's hesitation or self-posing questions like "what was it I did wrong?

What we see that is not right in society is actually a reflection of the collective mindset in a particular area. This points us in the direction of looking at that which is not right within us. Inner conflict runs between extremes. On one end of the polarity spectrum there is total withdrawal expressed as narcissism in the personality complex. The narcissistic defense mechanism is one that detaches emotions from intimate forms of connectivity with a need to control life, people and circumstances. 

You might have heard about the law of polarity which states that all things in life have its own polar opposite. This means for us achievers that; within every failure there is potential for success. Everything in life has an equal opposite. It is up to us as to what side of this pole to experience. Without one, we would not have the other. If we did not experience sadness we would not know enough to experience joy. Without pain we would not have pleasure. These polarities all work together for the greater good. We need only to understand this and appreciate this fact.

Given that all things are relative, without failure we would never experience true success. You can relate this to all things in your life. Stop judging the things in your life and start recognizing them for what they are. Failure and success are the same thing on opposite poles. Within one, is the potential for the other. In every failure, there lies within it the potential for success. We need only to recognize it as it is. Since they are the same things that lie just on the other side of the spectrum we need only turn our thoughts to the side of the spectrum we wish to experience.

Acceptance is the opposite of resistance and will bring more of what you desire. If we can accept failure for what it is and move forward, we will have the ability to accept success. If, however, we resist failure then we are putting our main focus on that failure which in turn attracts more of it and we will never experience success. It’s that simple.

An old Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said, “A battle is raging inside me…it is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, failure and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, faith and success.”

The old man looked at the children with a firm stare. “This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

They thought about it for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee replied: “The one you feed.”

 

The central lesson in the law of polarity is that all things have their own polar opposites and without one we would never experience the other. Do not resist that which you do not desire. Accept it and move your thoughts to those things you do desire.

The spirit within is the nexus of our existence-it is the force that animates our body, the Promethean Spark that gives life and substance to an otherwise lifeless body.

Watch Your Habits

 Dear loving people,

It takes disciplined habits to achieve your goals in life. The saying goes, “habits die hard” what you commit to doing for a long period of time (some say continuously for 21 days) becomes a habit but it will take much longer and much more energy to change what has become a habit in you.

A wealthy man noticed that his son had cultivated so many bad habits that were certain to destroy him in the nearest future thus, he requested an old scholar to wean his son away from his bad habits. The scholar took the youth for a stroll through a garden one sunny morning. Stopping suddenly he asked the boy to pull out a tiny plant growing there.

The youth held the plant between his thumb and forefinger and pulled it out. The old man then asked him to pull out a slightly bigger plant. The youth pulled hard and the plant came out, roots and all.

 
"Now pull out that one," said the old man pointing to a shrub. The boy had to use all his strength to pull it out.

"Now take this one out," said the old man, indicating a guava tree. The youth grasped the trunk and tried to pull it out. But it would not budge. "It's impossible," said the boy, panting with the effort.

"So it is with bad habits," said the sage. "When they are young it is easy to pull them out but when they take hold they cannot be uprooted." The session with the old man changed the child's life. His father was amazed to notice the transformation in his son over time.

As you move on with your quest for success, don’t let bad habits mare your progress. Procrastination could be one of them, when its time to take action, don’t postpone; idle company and hanging out with bad friends is yet another. With bad friends, all you do is gossip or talk about those who are making it while you keep on dwindling.

I read that if you identify with people who are lower than you, all they will do is to drag you down to their already too bad level. Identify with achievers so that you can be motivated by their nature to move up to where they are. Remember or do read the article Fly At High Altitude on Living Lectures.

Don't wait for Bad Habits to grow in you, drop them while you have control over it else they will get control over you and stifle your quest for success.

The Farmer And His Time Honored Donkey

Dear loving people,

Are you one of those who are overloaded with problems? Are you surrendering to problems just because anything you touch seems to aggravate your already too bad situation? Join me as I adapt this story from an unknown author to seek a possible way out…

One day, a farmer's donkey fell down into a dry well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. He was certain that the situation had come to add to his unending chain of problems.

Finally, he decided the animal was too old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey especially as it was going to cost him much in terms of resources.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Now! In life, you certainly have goals you want to achieve and you are certain that part of your success depends on external factors; your job, your business, your friends, your family, the economy, and so on. As you move up the ladder, life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt: Your friends will abandon you; your spouse will think you’ve gone crazy, partners will let you down, the economy might never get better, and you will fail over and over in your business.

There are times in life when it seems as though we are that donkey.  Trapped and feeling as though life is trying to bury us.  Don’t go under, but continue to find a way to overcome your challenges one at a time until you too emerge victorious.

The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Stopping along the way or giving up because of the plethora of difficulties you are certain to face is an escapist tendency inherent in the failure-prone personality. Such people, apart from ending up as professional complainers, seldom ever fine the route to happiness. Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1.      Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2.    Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3.    Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4.    Give more.

5.     Expect less from people but more from God.

You have two choices... smile and correct course, or wave this aside as petti business and remain in your well because you would have learned nothing

Don't Tell Anybody Else

Dear loving people,

Has it occurred to you that indulging in gossip is like sinking the ship in which you are sailing? Many are those who hang onto it. Gossip is rampant, hurtful, and the closest cousin to victimization. Think of the impact it can have on you, your job and your quest for success. Lawrence G. Lovasik says “Only the ignorant and narrow-minded gossip, for they speak of persons instead of things.

Working tooth and nail for your own success is not a popularity contest. Success in what you do is not predicated on whether you take over your co-worker’s job or blackmail your way to the director’s office. Your success at work depends, first and foremost, on your skills and talents, and your ability to apply those skills and talents to your job in a way that pleases your Boss and the management of your organization.

Gossip can get seriously in the way of your success. It is unprofessional, mean, distracting, and never leads to the top. Worst still, gossip can jeopardize business within and organization… this is exactly what Nkurekoh did not know.

It was a bright Monday morning at Flexes Inc. Nkurekoh, a young beautify lady in her early thirties took the flight of steps leading up to the main entrance, two at a time, as if all the devils in hell were on her heels. Onlookers wondered what was happening to her especially when she almost knockdown an elderly woman who was coming out of the building and had no time to apologize. “I must meet Ngwentoh before the meeting starts” she repeated breathlessly to herself. At the top of the stairs, a beefy faced Johnson was more than shocked that Nkurekoh did not even look at his direction nor respond to his usual morning greetings.

Nkurekoh swung into Ngwentoh’s office unannounced only to realise that she was not on seat. “She must be in the conference room already” she told herself and off she went. In a few minutes, she did six offices and Ngwentoh was nowhere to be found. At long last, she met her in the canteen sipping coffee - an unusual occurrence but whose explanation must wait for another day.

Nkurekoh settled into the seat in front of Ngwentoh and dived into what was eating her up. “the latest is up my girl” she popped it out to Ngwentoh and did not wait for her skeptic reactions before continuing, looking around to make sure nobody was eavesdropping and protruding her proboscis-like mouth closest to Ngwentoh’s ears before speaking again. ‘Reliable sources has confirm to me that the deputy General Manager is HIV positive”, she dropped the bomb. Ngwentoh’s eyes bulged out like those of a compressed toad. “It is said that he tested positive last Monday” and the details came pouring out.

Ngwentoh in her usual manner intoned “are you sure about this? And by the way even if it’s true, what is new about it, HIV is only a disease Nkurekoh”. Shaking her head in denial, Nkurekoh went on. “Do you know that just last week he wanted to sleep with me? And if I had accepted, I will be a corpse as we speak. Well, the corporate meeting starts in the next few minutes let me go and prepare but the truth again is that I have told nobody else and let it end between the two of us”

You know when you say something to somebody and tell them not to tell any other person what you have told them, they do exactly the opposite. That is how before the start of the corporate meeting, half of the participants were aware of the Deputy General Manager’s HIV status. The story had been recounted over and over with horrible modifications; some people heard the same story over and over each time with horrific twisting. That alone spoiled the meeting that was unfortunately chaired by the Deputy General Manager. Being so ignorant of about HIV, the meeting was a chaos.

As an achiever, you have to develop strategies for managing gossip. That in itself is the beginning of eradicating it from your system. I have enumerated some below:

1.      Get your priorities straight. What do you want? To be successful at work? To get the projects and assignments you want? The raises, promotions and other achievements? Or to be known as the source for trouble, mediocrity or dirt on whomever? Sure, knowing the skeletons in the cupboards of various people may give you some influence for a while, but that influence is temporary and fragile, because as soon as those people can find a way to get rid of you, they will. No one appreciates blackmail, emotional or otherwise.

2.    Rise above. Refuse to engage in gossip. You don’t have to get arrogant about it: “I don’t discuss such matters.” And you don’t need to alienate your co-workers by playing the moral evangelist game: “That’s gossip! That’s terrible! How can you even mention that kind of thing?!” Rise above. When your co-worker insists, smile in a non-committal manner, and change the subject. Immediately. If your co-worker persists, simply ignore it and continue your own thoughts. We assume that because someone asks us a question we are required to answer it. No, you’re not. You can answer a question by offering something quite different or even nothing at all. When you rise above, you are no longer fun to play the gossip game with. Your co-worker will, in a remarkably short time, stop coming to you with gossip. Your co-worker may then attempt to gossip about you, to punish you for not playing the game, that you can always manage.

3.    Don’t give others something to gossip about. It’s really hard to cook up gossip about someone who comes in on time, does their work professionally and with integrity, is pleasant and civil to all, and keeps their nose out of other people’s business. Keep your private business out of the office, and you make it really difficult for people to babble about it. Julius and Dora didn’t have to use the restroom all at once; you know . . . Justine didn’t have to cry about her abortion to her workspace mate . . . 

4.    Be trustworthy. At some point or another, someone at work will either tell you something personal about themselves or their lives, or you’ll stumble on information that should be private. Be compassionate. If someone wants to cry on your shoulder, respect their vulnerability. Keep their problems to yourself. You’ll become known as someone who can keep a secret, as someone who respects others.

Always remember this Chinese Proverb which says “What is told into the ear of a man is often heard a hundred miles away.” If something is a secret then, don’t tell anybody else. Benjamin Franklin says “Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”

Steve Maraboli says, “How would your life be different if…You walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…You speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.”